The Quick Demise of the New Year Resolution

Every New Year begins with an eternally long list of impossible resolutions…

In 2012, I will:

• Sign up at the local gym.
• I will wake up early before work and run a mile and then after work, I will run 6 more miles.
• I will spend every possible moment at the gym. In fact, I will set up camp at LA Fitness and become their newest gym rat.
• I will start eating healthier. Only salad, lean protein, and no carb diet. No sugars, no chocolate, only fruits. I will drink water and lots of it. That’s it.
• I will kick old habits to the curve and focus on becoming more Zen.
• I will work on my 6-pack. I’ve always wanted one, now it’s my chance. I will do everything in my power to attain it, even if I need to lose sleep and work out more. I will do it.

You finish your list, content with your ambitions and you print it out and post it neatly on your fridge to remind you every day….

Yet, as the weeks roll by, you feel that initial burst of motivation (or insanity) dissipate and your appetite for everything else grows. This year becomes the same as lasts and the lists blend together and become the three-headed canine monster from Harry Potter, barring its teeth and making you run away, screaming like a little girl. You take down your 2012 list and throw it in a drawer.

And then…. BAM! You open your Groupon or Living Social page and the reminders that you’re still a couch potato hit you from every angle.

$30 of Unlimited Yoga for 1 whole month (a $160 value!!)

$40 of Unlimited Bootcamp for 1 month (a $200 value!!)

$45 of Unlimited Insanity for 1 month (a $567 value!!!!)

You get the picture.

Suddenly, the room gets very small and the walls start closing in all around you, leaving just you and the computer screen. It’s staring you down, begging you to click, to buy, to sign away your life…

You take a deep breath and will yourself to relax. You argue with yourself—it’s not that bad. It’s only a month and it’s not that expensive right? I mean you’re saving money, and well if you hate it, you can always quit. Right? Go ahead, try it. Just one.

“You’ll feel better after it.”

So you go and you buy it. In fact you go a little over the top, and buy all of them. Every single one.

And then you call your friends, your mom, your dad, and all of your neighbors and you rave, you encourage, you beg, and finally goad them into buying the deals you got.

And now all of you have a deal and you get excited. You envision yourself as the new Heidi Klum or Ryan Gosling and you get pumped. You are ready, so ready.

You go out to the mall and buy a new pair of the latest Nikes, Addidas, Reebok, any brand of sneakers which promise you will get fit just by wearing them and then you go on an exercise everything shopping spree.

You get home 4 hours later. Exhausted, worn out, and in debt and you pass out on your favorite couch in front of the TV with a self-satisfied feeling of accomplishment.

And then the months go by and the purchased deals sit remain unused on your desktop with the piles of new clothes still in their boxes neatly stacked behind it. You begin to feel the reassuring warmth of sleep and laziness creep into your bones and you return to your routine way of life, leaving your now crumpled list for another day, another month. Let’s face it, another year.

But wait! We’re still in January. You can still accomplish at least one of your resolutions or at the very least write up a new list with easier to attain goals. The question is, will you finally follow them or will you just discard them altogether?

Personally, this blog entry describes my life. Every year I do the same thing: I draw up a long list of wishes and every year, it ends up at the bottom of my trash can. This year, however, I am determined to make it different. I have bought into the deal craziness and literally have all of the Groupons out there. I have an unlimited pass to yoga and one to bootcamp. And if another one pops up, rest assured that I will have it too.

The question is will I actually use them? I have absolutely no idea. If I do, I’ll let you know.

Until then….